A Perspective Beyond Bath

It’s strange how quickly time slips by. The last time I put my finger to keyboard and posted here, we were in the midst of a heat wave. Brexit was still a far-off nightmare, the summer nights were long. I was in a relationship that, after two years, was beginning to fracture. I hadn’t yet admitted to myself that I was aware of its imminent ending. My father was finally able to return to work after seven months living off a single income. I hadn’t yet discovered the authorial brilliance of Sarah J. Mass. Or a love of Hortus Gin. Or that adding gravy granules makes the perfect consistency for a casserole.

July. Only six months ago.

Already, we have reached January; freezing, more jumpers than can fit underneath my coat. Grey skies and bare trees. The final semester of my undergraduate degree well underway. A few dress sizes bigger and my bank balance significantly slimmer. Five holidays, more coffees than I can count and an expired tolerance for those who invite negativity like a gracious hostess. 

Life has passed, I guess.

In the spirit of resolutions for the coming year, I could talk about how much I have learned from this chapter of my twenties. If you looked at my social media, one could assume these passing months have been care-free, spontaneous, empowering; an adventure with little worries beyond how to travel from the airport to the hotel.

Actually, they have been trying and incredibly, emotionally hard. I’ve been fuelled by so much anger that returning to myself has been a process much like untangling that box of random cables everyone seems to keep in their home. That is to say, it has required patience with many tantrums along the way.

There’s been a lot of fear, too. I’m utterly terrified that come spring, education will spit me out in a cap and gown armed with nothing but a diploma from an abysmal excuse for a university. I’m afraid that, because of having to work part-time since leaving school, I did not take enough advantage of the networking opportunities that others will have in their portfolios. I’m scared that I’ll settle on a career that’s easy because three years of a creative degree has left me mentally exhausted. It’s a miracle that I’m even writing this, in fact.

My point, however, is that we are all trying. To be kinder, to be slimmer, to be better. To be other than what we are at the moment. So much can change with time, and most of us don’t realise that it has already gone. It’s only when looking back that we realise life takes care of itself.

It was an immense case of procrastination against writing a dissertation that caused me to return to this corner of the internet. And here we are; a few hundred words that I hope elicits an understanding for at least one reader.

The time will pass, and we’ll find ourselves on a path regardless.